"A Dream but not a dream"...

As I awake in the morning realizing I must let you go, There's an aching in my heart
as the tears slowly flow.

It's hard to face another day having this dream that will never take place.

I walk around with a deep and profound sting in my heart, But no one knows for I only
display it in the dark.

Yet another dream of mine that will never touch reality has vanished in the wind...
guess I'll have to start over and dream again.

I'll always love and adore you, That I'll never deny. but realities knocking at the door, So
now I must say my good-byes.

Poetry by:
Tina La Rosa

"Melodic Melanie"

I know your life's been a winding road, ups and downs, highs and lows.
You just can't seem to crawl your way out....Sometimes you just have to believe and leave behind the doubt. At times you feel alone like no one understands---now change your I can'ts to I can. You are never alone...God will never forsake you, and like God I will see you through.

It's ok to cry, for it free's the pain and releases a sigh---Of relief to set your soul free.
If you stick with me Iwill help you see the light is there waiting to shine upon you to remind you that with God there's nothing you can't do.

To my sweet and dear friend Melanie Jeffrey A.K.A @Levyronni77

my love I leave with you,
Eternally,
Tina

"Personality Disorders"

Have you ever been friends with someone that you just didnt quite understand? Have you been around someone whose personality was like that of a 4-way street? It's like one minute their this way and the next minute their acting another way. These kinds of people make it hard to hold a relationship with them. This behavior I believe is a Personality Disorder that often develops from early childhood trauma. Maybe it was from lack of companionship or a feeling of abandonment and or neglect. There are many types of Personality Disorders. One of which is the most common is "Narcissism". Narcissistic behavior is the most extreme amongst other Personality or mental disorders. For example, an Extreme Narcissicist falls in love with themselves and put themselves above others. Their mentality is they're not like anyone else. Theyre always right, you're wrong. Narcisistics will use a person(s) for what they can get from them at that time or what will benefit them at that particular moment. As soon as they have gotten what they want from you, they will drop you like a hot potato and act as if they never knew you. If you tell a Narcissistic they have wronged you or hurt your feelings prepare to have a non-reaction of them because they are unable to empathize with the needs and emotions of others. If you try to reach out to such a person and offer help, they will exclude you from their life, ignore you or disregard you altogether. Their only concern is of themselves. Narcisistics are unable to hold permanant, long-term relationships because of their destructive and mysterious behavior. If you have nothing to offer or if you dont constantly feed their ego, they label you as "Unsafe" and want nothing else to do with you. Narcisissm is a personality and mental disorder that started from childhood and they over time will develop a Fake persona of who they would like to be seen as rather than it be known who they really are. They will avoid personal questions and side-track you to make you forget the question you asked. They have low self-esteem, are insecure, weak and vulnerable, but will often display a "Tough Guy" attitude as a "Defense Mechanism" to keep from getting hurt again. Trauma in early childhood development causes alot of this behavior in a Narcissistic. They do not like criticism because it puts them in a Childlike mode of feeling unworthy or unaccepted and will disband you from their life. This behavior often causes heartache and pain for those close to them but they are unable to see that because their brains are not positioned to grasp their affect on the people around them. They have a fear of being hurt so they guard their hearts and keep most people who try to get close to them away. They have a huge issue with trusting others and would rather run and avoid their problems than face them. Why? Because it takes them back to the very thing they are running away from. I, to have dealt with a Narcissistic and I was put through pure hell because I didnt have an understanding at that time of what the problem was with that person till I started studying up on personality disorders and discovered by dealing with this person that they had this personality disorder. Its darn near impossible to befriend such a person of this stature and wish anyone luck out there who are or yet to experience the wrath of a narcissistic. Beware! They can be dangerous to your health. I have APD (Avoidant Personality Disorder) It's a person who would rather be alone than amongst a crowd. Someone who also, like the Narcissistic doesnt like or allow too many people to get too close to them. Maybe because of what I endured during my early childhood. I find solice in myself and I am my own best friend. I am a trustworthy, honest, caring, easy to talk to and a funny person, but when it comes down to it I'd rather be alone. It's easier that way and I'm comfortable with it. As soon as someone, mainly men start to get too close I freeze up and push them away. This comes from the abuse I saw men do to women so many times times during my childhood and I kind of view men as "Unsafe" to me. In time I will seek therapy for this part of me because it has posed many problems in my life. I hope I have shined some light on those in the dark about people with Personality Disorders. I hope I have educated some of you out there.

To my lovers,
Always,
Tina

'Wounded Woman"

Here I am again with yet another blog entry on a topic that so aggressively concerns me. ....Woman who have been sexually, mentally and physically abused. Some women of this stature are known for having stand offish or promiscuous behavior. In many cases, these sorts of females feel unworthy and somehow feel they dont deserve "The Best" from a guy. Women sometimes feel that because they had to endure this type of abuse from a man that somehow they "Deserved it" and it must have been something they did wrong to deserve it. Let me set something straight ladies; nothing you could ever do or say that you deserve to be abused in any way, shape or form. No woman deserves to be beaten. never feed into the lies your mind is telling you that you deserved it or you're unworthy. You are a beautiful queen and deserve to be happy and treated with the upmost respect. Another fine example, Women who have been sexually abused or taken advantage of somehow adopt the mentality that dont deserve a good guy or anything good of that matter and develop low self esteem and a low level of confidence sometimes acting out sexually if you catch my drift. But ladies if you don't love and respect yourselves, How can you possibly think a man would? You attract what you give off to them. If you're "Easy", then rest assure a guy will attract that and expect to get in, get off and move on from you. That's not wise to just give your body away to any man you meet. It's your life to live, but I am terribly concerned for my sisters out there with this type of behavior. No one can help you but yourselves. A person can offer all the help in the world to you or talk their necks off trying but unless you want the help theyre just blowing out hot air and wasting precious time that could be well spent on other things. I have recently learned from this type of experience that I cant make someone hear me out and I cant make someone want my help. I can't push myself on anyone. It isnt fair to the other individual. Sisters, stand strong and believe more in yourselves. Know that you are worthy of true love, honor and respect. Know that you are somebody special and If anyone tells you differently then you know these are people that need to be eliminated from your life. You need positive people in your life that will uplift you, not bring you down. Stop excepting abuse from these men who don't even deserve you in the first place. Ladies, dry your eyes, hold your head up, be strong and take control of your lives. There's a whole new world out there for you to explore. It's all up to you. I love you all.

Your sister in Christ,
My love I leave with you,

Tina La Rosa

" A second once in a lifetime"

Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson & Cheryl Burke

Mona Lisa & Ceasar

We live in a world where there is no love anymore. In relationships we lack communication which is the core of many marriages and relationships thrown away at the first sign of trouble. Some relationships have no hope and are not meant for permanant purposes. But has it ever occurred to you that all some relationships need is a little tender-loving conversation? You'd be surprised at what you can accomplish and learn simply by communicating. Communicating helps to understand what is going on in the other persons mind and helps to build a better understanding and respect for one another. Some relationships deserve second chances. I know, I know that second chances don't always work out unless both parties come to realize and make a "Solid" decision" to make the neccesary changes needed to build a better and trusting union. You can't go into a relationship a second time around expecting things to change if you haven't first changed the old habits that caused a rift in the relationship to began with. Everything in life is about the choices we make. Life is one big decision we place on ourselves. Anything in this lifetime can get accomplished simply by making a "Decision" to change what needs to be changed and accept what we can not change. What I meant by some relationships deserve second chances is that some are faced with challenges in the beginning that hinders the relationship to grow. Sometimes its a fear we carry that bombards our mind when going into a new union. Some fears such as not feeling good enough for that person or low self-esteem or fear of infidelity or maybe even some childhood trauma that damaged your trust in a man/woman. It could be a number of things. But if there is someone out there you were once involved with that you cared so very much for but obligations and personal hang-ups tore you apart, then I think that makes you a candidate for "A second once in a lifetime". what you once had before was something special and rare and you felt something you never quite felt for anyone before. Remember, you could be in love a million times but at some point in your life you will meet someone who will make you feel special in a way no other person has ever made you feel. Maybe that union was only for a season or maybe for a lifetime. But you wouldn't know it if you didn't give it a chance. I'm speaking to some lovers out there and I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Don't let your fears keep the walls around your heart from experiencing "True Love." Don't ever find yourself looking back and wondering. That is torture in itself and you deserve true happiness. Let's try working on saving love instead of taking it for granted and throwing it all away. Love is a powerful thing and even more powerful when we share it and embrace it. Sometimes relationships end so abruptly that it leaves behind the residue of what was and sometimes takes talking face to face to resolve and move forward. Are you that someone caught in a situation like this? A wise little lady once quoted in a book of hers that she would always have a "Soft Spot" in her heart for a lover she was once involved with and that she knows he feels the same way about her. Hmmm, things have changed I know, but sounds to me that there is still a substantial amount of love and respect she still carries for this individual. Maybe, there is "A second once in a lifetime" in the near future for them. What do you think of that Mona Lisa? *Wink*

from the truest depths of my heart,

my love I leave you,

Tina La Rosa

"Rest Lil Angel" To: Caylee

Rest lil' angel you don't have to suffer anymore, for now you lay in peace with the one we adore. How could a monster kill and throw you away? Oh, precious angel they will have their day...Where pain & suffering shall paralyze their every step, not one single tear was shed, not even a wept.

Rest lil' angel, you are where you need to be....No one could ever hurt or harm you again...Heaven is where your new life began. Angels don't belong in the devil's earth, so God called you home 2 yrs after your birth. Justice wasn't served for you, but they will have their time. Remember God said, "Vengeance is mine." Rest lil' angel.


Dedicated to Caylee Anthony(Lil' angel of God)


Poem written by : Tina La Rosa

"Hidden Pain"

You hide behind a smile when deep down theres a fragile child.. Haunted by the trauma of years gone by, my, oh, my, have you cried your last cry?

You'd rather hide your pain or push those who care away ,but this will not solve your problems---not even for a day. For you, it's safer to not reach out, for your fears keep you in constant doubt.

You're in your comfort zone afraid to entrust anyone with your heart, your life will never change if you dont step out of the dark.

You've been scarred and scorned from the outside in, you must step out in faith and that's where your new life begins.

There's an even brighter future ahead, aside from your life now, release your heart and set it free, say good-bye to your past and let it be.

written by: Tina La Rosa

"Unworthiness"

This is a topic I think alot of us struggle with and that is the feeling of "Unworthiness"....

Many of us struggle with accepting a compliment or simply feel we don't deserve good things in our life. I know for me growing up I had low-self esteem and a low confidence level. I am still struggling with this to this very day. When someone pays me a compliment or say to me "I deserve this" I honestly think I dont deserve those compliments. I often think people are mistaking me for someone else when I'm payed a compliment. But may I add that you were born so that makes you worthy. Worthy to be loved, worthy of good things and worthy of a compliment. God, in his eyes sees us as the most precious creatures he's ever created. Why? Because we are made in his image! This is a reason to rejoice! God finds us special and precious in his sight! In this world we can never please everyone. There will always be criticisim. People are going to talk when you succeed and even when you fail. It's a "NO End" situation. You weren't put on this earth to please anyone but God, the creator and discover what your purpose here on earth is. Whether it's to serve, encourge, dance, sing or charitable work. whatever it is that is put inside of you that makes you happy. Often we struggle with the acceptance from others never satisfied unless someone likes us and if not we feel our world has ended. No, once you are comfortable in your own skin you will always have struggles with acceptance. It's that strong foundation that you have built inside of yourself that will carry you through the hard times in life. When you're confident in yourself not being accepted or being rejected will have no hard affects on you. You must first love and accept yourself for who you are before anyone else can. Live your life and be your best selves. You are worthy God says so!

My love I leave with you,

Love Tina

"Strongholds"

In this blog entry I will be talking about" Strongholds". Strongholds for those who dont know is something that has a "Hold"on you and your life. It can stem from anything such as childhood trauma to resentment, fear, anger, regret or abandonment. These things can pause many blessings in your life and keep you from moving forward happily and successfully. Strongholds hold you back from your best and the best that is yet to come. To be set free from such a spirit, you must first recognize the problem, accept it as your personal truth and begin the process of breaking free! The enemy (Satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy us and steal away our joy. We give him power over us because we surrender to his lies and allow him to gain access over our lives, but it is time to take back what the devil stole from you! SATAN only has the power if you give it to him. There is a constant battle with "Self" asking questions like am I pretty, fat, ugly, skinny,smart, dumb and the feelings of inadequacy. All these things are considered Strongholds. You can not allow these things to control you any longer. Break free and surrender it all to God! There are many of you out there whom are battling depression. I know alot on this subject as I have battled Depression my whole life. Depression in our world means that of a 'Chemical Imbalance" or shift in hormones, but it's really just a stream of lies satan wants you to believe to keep you from your best and the blessings that are set before you. He doesnt want to you be happy. He wants you miserable to keep your focus away from God. So you have to decide and determine if you want these things to take over your life or you wanna gain power over yourself and have true joy in the now and future. Unfortunately, Not everyone is a believer of God, nor do they take the time to pray. AHA! that's the the trap that satan has set before you. He has you exactly where he wants you. Do you want that? You are not a child of Darkness, but a child of "The Light". Let go of anger, bitterness, resentment and cold-heartedness. Once you've broken free of these Strongholds, you'll feel the world and its burdens lifted from your shoulders. Its your choice. You can have all the therapy in the world all day, everyday but untill you accept inside of you that change has to take place, you will forever be imprisoned by the things that hold you down. Strongholds can be a person and or thing. Sometimes to break free you have to go to the source that is holding you down. If not, then moving towards the future will be a pretty hard road to travel. you will find yourself on a Winding road not knowing which direction to take. You will remain lost. Many of us hide behind our smile or our desk or our careers just so we dont have to face our demons or what bottles us down, but is that really fair to you? Are you not more worthy? Let Go and Let God!

My love I leave with you,

God's daughter,

Tina

"Lessons from the Heart" (Dancing Lessons) To: "Cheryl Burke & The World"

I was inspired to write this blog entry based on a recent interview of Dancing with the Stars pro Cheryl Burke on The Dr. Drew show on HLN. As many Cheryl Burke fans know the talented dancer wrote and released her book entitled "Dancing Lessons" How I found passion and Potential on the dance floor and in life" A wonderfully written story about her life growing up and the trauma she's had to experience as a child being sexually molested to being abused by former boyfriends. In Ms. Burke's interview she was asked if she could ever or have forgiven her molester and her answer was and I Quote; "I don't think I could ever forgive him" End Quote." This struck a cord with me because as a christian woman I know that in order to be forgiven you must first forgive. In the message above it states that forgiveness is not so much for the person needing forgiveness but for forgiveness of yourself to get well and move on. I think we owe it to ourselves to forgive so that we can produce eternal peace in joy in our lives. I understand where Ms. Burke is coming from. I, too experience alot of abuse, low self-esteem, timidity, shame and embarrassment due to the things I've had to witness and experience and even endure in my childhood. My father was a monster who literally growled like some sick animal when abusing my mom threatning to kill her and us to. Meaning me, my sister and younger brother. He traumatized me mentally causing me to not trust anybody particularly men because all I saw growing up was abuse in my household and around the neighborhood. I only saw the bad that men do and not so much any good. Now I'm struggling to be in a relationship with a man because anytime one gets too close to me I push them away. It took me years and years and years to forgive my father for what he put us through but I knew I had to find it in my heart to do it or when the time comes around when I needed forgiveness no one would offer it to me, but most importantly God wouldnt forgive me. Also in the interview with Ms. Burke I picked up alot of pain, denial and holding back of emotion of her tears. Another problem for which I have. I've become so immune to not allowing myself to cry that when the time came where I needed to the tears found it hard to break their way through. I picked up alot of things Ms. Burke said in her interviews that contradict alot of what she's written in her book as well..Almost like she's trying hard to cover some other secret she's not quite ready for the world to know about just yet. I understand it's Hollywood and you are sometimes told what to say and how to handle certain questions that are thrown at you, but I hope at the end of the day Ms. Burke is truly honest with herself and her true feelings because as human beings we should cherish ourselves and be honest and open about ourselves. If not, who can we be honest with? There's a special guy out there waiting for her but she must first conquer as many demons she's dealing with before moving on. She owes it to herself or she's just asking for another doomed relationship. If there's a lingering problem from her former relationships then I'd suggest she go to that person and resolve it before pushing forward. Live, learn, love, forgive and let God handle the rest. I hope whoever reads this blog enjoyed it to the fullest and I can only hope I have been of great help to someone else out there dealing with the things discussed in this topic.

God Bless Everyone,

Peace & my love I leave with you,

-Tina

"Heart of Gratitude" (Where has it gone?)

These days we over-look the little things in life that people do for us such as small gestures like giving a flower to the one you love or a poem to express our love and admiration for that special someone or forgetting about the people that have your back and support you in the things that you pursue. There's no "Heart of Gratitude" in the hearts of men anymore and that bothers me. Where has it gone? The human race is becoming more and more self-absorbed and all that matters is themselves and getting ahead, but its not always about ourselves. Sometimes we need to give back and show gratitude and a thankful heart to the ones that normally show how much they care about you. I'm not perfect by any means, but glory be to God for the humble, modest, grateful, down-to-earth and loving attitude he has given me. I wouldnt have it any other way. If I were famous I'd still remain the same because I know who I am as a person and I know my heart. I am no different and certainly no better than the next person. We are all created equally and who am I to think too highly of myself than I ought to? Jesus is KING and had every right to act as such, but he was lowly, humble and modest when God sent him here on earth. Why do mere humans act above themselves and others? Its non-sense and its sad. Surely all that we gain on earth shall remain and be destroyed when we leave this earth. The behavior of humans simply breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. nobody is about helping and loving each other anymore. There's no gratitude, theres no love. Everything is about Me, Myself & I. What a sad world we live in. God help us all. God Bless, Tina La Rosa

'My Heartbreak"

I Know many are wondering or maybe just some are wondering what has happened to me or why I've gone into seclusion as of recently...well its a long story and although I will not neccessarily mention what threw me into my depression I will share with my faithful followers why I feel the way that I do. Since my childhood I've had nothing but misfortunes, bad luck or no luck at all. But dont get me wrong I'm not much of a superstitioness but do feel my life has been cursed. I'm in no way perfect or without fault, but I always try to have good intentions behind what I do and yet its never enough. In my childhood I experienced and witnessed all kinds of abuse from my father abusing my mom, to my father sometimes abusing us to being mentally and verbally abused by my sister at the time. I was a very nervous and timid child and didnt talk much to anyone and only wanted to be under my mom. Even at the tender age of 4-6 I trusted no one and I dont trust many people now. Its true what they say that humans will let you down but God never does. I've been let down, lied to, played for a fool, used and abused by so many that its impossible for me to know whose genuine and real in my life. I give and operate from my heart and its always over-looked. Sometimes I hate having the heart that I have because some dont seem to care how kind it really is. In all my years of living I've never been able to catch a break. I have dreams and goals that are almost Impossible to touch. I come very close, but its always taken right from under my feet. I just wanna give up. I cant say that I've worked extra hard for my dreams simply because I do not know how. The little that I've done continously slaps me in the face and people continously let me down. I give my all and my support and yet I feel like nothing.I feel as though I'm just existing in this world not mattering to many. One thing about me that you'll never have to doubt is my loyalty and trust to you and that anybody can count on me for anything. I will put myself and feelings aside for any who needs me. I love everyone. Sorry for disappearing on you guys from twitter but I had to do it for me as a certain event happened that threw me into my depression. I was deeply hurt by this and opened my eyes to alot

. I just couldnt believe what was revealed to me. I will go no further with this as I will end it here. I will soon return to twitter but still need a little more time away to myself because I am still hurting deeply. I love you guys and especially to those that's shown concern. Means alot. Thanks!

God Bless,

Tina

"When I Dream" To: Cheryl B.

In the realm of reality seems I'll never get to know you,
But when I close my eyes you become real to me...And there
where I dream, you're everything I thought you'd be, So loving,
so sweet, so kind...And only when I dream you're a friend of mine.

There in my dreams our friendships possible...It has hope, It has meaning,
It has genunity. But when I open I eyes, It disappears in the night...Our

Friendships' no longer a pressence in sight. When i dream at night, Our
Friendships ordained by God. We laugh, we cry, we share another day. But,

it's when I open my eyes when our friendship fades away.


Written By: Tina La Rosa

"Cheryl Burke" A Dancer's Heart"

Hi Cheryl, This is my latest blog entry in a very long time and I've alot on my heart & mind I'd like to share with you so I write this blog for you. Please let me know what you think after you read this because what I'm about to say is straight from the heart and what I feel about you as a person. I started my fanpage for you to show my support and admiration for you as a dancer but now as time goes by I see more into your heart. You're not someone that says alot and you're the kind of person you have read into and I feel something so deep and profound in you. You have a heart as big as the sky and you're so caring it just makes me wanna cry. You give so much of your time and of yourself to the people around you as well as to other's who don't know you. I don't admire you for your "Celebrity" but for the heart of "Cheryl Burke". Celebrity means nothing if you don't know how to use it. I am deeply enlighten by your talent as a dancer and moved by emotions as I watch you dance. God has blessed you and your family with talent, grace, and most importantly he has blessed you with heart. I ask that you always remain as sweet and humble as you are because that's what makes me adore you more and more. I get complete enjoyment in supporting you and standing behind you in whatever you do as long as it stands for something. I don't expect anything from you but to grace me with your pressence on stage and screen and an occassional HELLO from time to time ...LOL! But just keep being you...Nobody can do you better. Nevermind the negativity you may receive from 'other's''It just means they desire what you have and have to find reasons to hate to lift themselves up when in actuality their doing more harm to themselves than good. I love your heart Cheryl and I love and adore you. Always know you have me behind you no matter what and you've got a TRUE Friend in me if ever you wanted to take that route( No MOTIVES INTENDED!!) You make me proud and someday I hope to have the chance to meet you and get to know you.....What a dream come true that would be! Well, (Dancer's heart, I must end this now as I'm getting emotional as I write this. There is much more I'd like to share with you but I'm a very private person and online is not the place for it. Enjoy honey buns and I hope to hear back from you!

Adios,

Tu Amiga,

Tina A.K.A @TinaSongbird73 & @4CherylBurke