"Melodic Melanie"

I know your life's been a winding road, ups and downs, highs and lows.
You just can't seem to crawl your way out....Sometimes you just have to believe and leave behind the doubt. At times you feel alone like no one understands---now change your I can'ts to I can. You are never alone...God will never forsake you, and like God I will see you through.

It's ok to cry, for it free's the pain and releases a sigh---Of relief to set your soul free.
If you stick with me Iwill help you see the light is there waiting to shine upon you to remind you that with God there's nothing you can't do.

To my sweet and dear friend Melanie Jeffrey A.K.A @Levyronni77

my love I leave with you,
Eternally,
Tina

"Personality Disorders"

Have you ever been friends with someone that you just didnt quite understand? Have you been around someone whose personality was like that of a 4-way street? It's like one minute their this way and the next minute their acting another way. These kinds of people make it hard to hold a relationship with them. This behavior I believe is a Personality Disorder that often develops from early childhood trauma. Maybe it was from lack of companionship or a feeling of abandonment and or neglect. There are many types of Personality Disorders. One of which is the most common is "Narcissism". Narcissistic behavior is the most extreme amongst other Personality or mental disorders. For example, an Extreme Narcissicist falls in love with themselves and put themselves above others. Their mentality is they're not like anyone else. Theyre always right, you're wrong. Narcisistics will use a person(s) for what they can get from them at that time or what will benefit them at that particular moment. As soon as they have gotten what they want from you, they will drop you like a hot potato and act as if they never knew you. If you tell a Narcissistic they have wronged you or hurt your feelings prepare to have a non-reaction of them because they are unable to empathize with the needs and emotions of others. If you try to reach out to such a person and offer help, they will exclude you from their life, ignore you or disregard you altogether. Their only concern is of themselves. Narcisistics are unable to hold permanant, long-term relationships because of their destructive and mysterious behavior. If you have nothing to offer or if you dont constantly feed their ego, they label you as "Unsafe" and want nothing else to do with you. Narcisissm is a personality and mental disorder that started from childhood and they over time will develop a Fake persona of who they would like to be seen as rather than it be known who they really are. They will avoid personal questions and side-track you to make you forget the question you asked. They have low self-esteem, are insecure, weak and vulnerable, but will often display a "Tough Guy" attitude as a "Defense Mechanism" to keep from getting hurt again. Trauma in early childhood development causes alot of this behavior in a Narcissistic. They do not like criticism because it puts them in a Childlike mode of feeling unworthy or unaccepted and will disband you from their life. This behavior often causes heartache and pain for those close to them but they are unable to see that because their brains are not positioned to grasp their affect on the people around them. They have a fear of being hurt so they guard their hearts and keep most people who try to get close to them away. They have a huge issue with trusting others and would rather run and avoid their problems than face them. Why? Because it takes them back to the very thing they are running away from. I, to have dealt with a Narcissistic and I was put through pure hell because I didnt have an understanding at that time of what the problem was with that person till I started studying up on personality disorders and discovered by dealing with this person that they had this personality disorder. Its darn near impossible to befriend such a person of this stature and wish anyone luck out there who are or yet to experience the wrath of a narcissistic. Beware! They can be dangerous to your health. I have APD (Avoidant Personality Disorder) It's a person who would rather be alone than amongst a crowd. Someone who also, like the Narcissistic doesnt like or allow too many people to get too close to them. Maybe because of what I endured during my early childhood. I find solice in myself and I am my own best friend. I am a trustworthy, honest, caring, easy to talk to and a funny person, but when it comes down to it I'd rather be alone. It's easier that way and I'm comfortable with it. As soon as someone, mainly men start to get too close I freeze up and push them away. This comes from the abuse I saw men do to women so many times times during my childhood and I kind of view men as "Unsafe" to me. In time I will seek therapy for this part of me because it has posed many problems in my life. I hope I have shined some light on those in the dark about people with Personality Disorders. I hope I have educated some of you out there.

To my lovers,
Always,
Tina